And So He Smiled
by Cerulean orbs
Summary: *One Shot* "I'll smile from tomorrow on wards Kuma Chan! I'll smile for the rest of my life…so please…..just once….just for this moment….can I cry?"


**A/N: Just a little one shot I came up with about how Tamaki must have felt when he had to leave his mother and move to Japan.**

**Please read and review **

It was a beautiful day. Complete with chirping birds and sunlight so bright it blinded anyone who dared to glance at the sky through squinted eyes. Tiny rays of gold landed on the ground, prancing around delicately akin to a ballerina skipping and twirling expertly on the dance floor and formed a soft shimmering curtain of light around René.

A halo signifying purity.

Funny, because he more often than not (mostly when Maman was not around) was rebuked for not possessing it. He'd never considered himself unclean, though. He bathed daily with the vanilla scented soap Maman so loved the smell of and always scrubbed himself vigorously until his ivory skin turned a throbbing red.

He never seemed to get rid of the filth though. It clung to him like a big swollen leech sucking his very soul from his sullied body.

Mamán could not see it unlike every other person he knew.

Or maybe she pretended she didn't. He really didn't have any way of knowing. The last time he'd asked, her big violet eyes, so very much like his own, had bubbled and glistened with unshed tears. So much so that he was afraid that an intake of breath would break the dam's gate and precious pearls would tumble down to the cold, unforgiving ground.

Eyes in which his tears stained face was reflected.

He'd made Maman cry.

He wanted Maman to smile, always. But Maman was too tired; her heart too broken and her body too weary. So he'd smile for her, his six-year-old-self had decided, and become the happiness that would reflect in her eyes.

A gentle wind blew, caressing René's exposed skin. It weaved through his hair, flirting with his gold locks and swept over his cherubic upturned face, fingering his drawn eyelids, his sharp nose, kissing his plump lips and finally disappearing down the curve of his neck.

His slender fingers were clenched around fistfuls of lush grass, contemplating whether or not to yank them out forcefully, leaving behind lonely mother Earth.

But why punish poor grass for his misfortune, he wondered. His vice like grip slackened for a moment before regaining its strength.

"Because I'm big and you're small!"

A dialogue from a childhood movie resounded in his head. 'The Ant Bully' was it? He pondered vaguely. And then because the movie somehow seemed to reflect his own life and because the feeling of utter helplessness and raging fury of the ants mirrored his own, his bitter smile gave way to soft heart breaking chuckles.

An ant, really?

But he really did feel like one; so puny and insignificant.

But big enough to wreck a home and significant enough to save Maman's life.

Even if it meant not seeing her face every morning, noon and night.

Even if it meant not hearing her soft melodious voice, so very similar to bells chiming in the wind.

Even if it meant never being able crawl into bed with her after waking from a nightmare or play the piano for her when she was feeling down or smile for…..

Wait! Who'd play the piano for Maman? Who'd smile for her when she'd feel too tired to do it herself? Who'd brush her hair and sing her silly nursery rhymes? Who'd prepare her breakfasts in bed?

Who'd love dirty, filthy, illegitimate him?

The ironically beautiful day suddenly turned dreadfully ugly. Bright colors intertwined, blending into shades of grey. The shadows around him seemed to come to life. The slithered up his frozen body and climbed into his wide eyes. The soft caress of the wind felt like a suffocating grip around his neck, cutting off his air supply. He started hyperventilating, eyes overflowing with tears and hands desperately clawing at invisible fingers he was sure would leave bruises.

The world became a dark haze.

And then he remembered his 'smile pact' that he'd made with his mother and with himself, mostly with himself, and he tried (and failed) to calm himself.

But his heart ached so much that he wanted to rip it out of his chest, stomp on it until it stopped beating and throw it down the sea so when it sunk to the bottom, muddling the perfect blue water, he wouldn't be able to feel it anymore.

So, he glanced to the side, where his Kuma-Chan sat; his best friend in all his stuffed glory, fixing him that infamous blank stare of his, to seek some form of comfort. Kuma-Chan always made him feel better. Most found the bear ugly with its bored expression and dead eyes but René loved him with all his heart.

Kuma Chan was honest.

Kuma Chan didn't pretend.

At this moment it seemed Kuma Chan wanted him to smile too. He felt betrayed as its lifeless, half lidded eyes bore into his own reminding him of a far away, broken promise.

The deafening silence felt like it would shatter his ear drums.

So, covering his ears with trembling hands he tried to tug his chapped lips upwards but his smile just wobbled and fell to the floor with a crash.

"Just this once…" A raspy voice begged.

"J-just this on-once I'll cry" It was his own voice, René realized, escaping his throat in choked whispers.

"Please Kuma Ch-Chan….just today…only for.…now" His hand now clutched his head as he curled into himself; a sobbing mess, begging and pleading desperately as he writhed on the ground.

"It's okay, right? I-if I cry just th-this once? Maman won't kn-know! It's okay isn't it?" He implored grabbing on to the lifeless being, with wise honest eyes, as if it was his life support and shaking the answer from him.

"I'll smile from tomorrow onwards K-kuma Chan! I'll s-smile for the r-rest of my life…so pl-please…..just once….just for th-this moment….can I c-cry?"

Hot tears bubbled down flushed cheeks as his frail body wracked in painful sobs.

"Please…it's okay….r-right?"

Kuma Chan never uttered a word. It watched with a half lidded gaze as its owner poured his heart out as it sat there, forever listening, forever silent.

It watched still as René slept, exhausted both mentally and physically, his lashes drenched with tears whose stains marred his cheeks.

The next day, its tiny ears heard a silent but piercing _crack_ while it was held in a smiling René's arms, pressed to his chest as he bid his weeping Maman farewell.

It would resound in his ears for the rest of eternity.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading. I'd love to hear what you think so pretty please review. Even if it's just to tell "I read it" :p **

**Kay, have a great day guys :D Tata**


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